Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
