waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
