I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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