Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
