Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
