I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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