there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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