I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
