Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
