I want to have your abortion
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
