she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
