I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
