She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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