yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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