I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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