Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
These tits shall not be calmed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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