I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
