3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
