Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
