She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
