Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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