My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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