Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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