Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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