How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
