I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
