guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
