Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
