How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
