She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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