no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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