FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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