Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
