I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize