My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
