we're chasing vodka with high fives
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
