You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
