OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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