Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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