In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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