Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
