we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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