i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed