ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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