Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.