uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT