We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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