we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
