rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize