Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
