morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
