i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
