Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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