I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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