Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
