i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
