why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
