he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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