either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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