dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
