You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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