I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
