The maid of honor just puked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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