i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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