Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
