Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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