you guys were way drunker than both of me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
