You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
