i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
