You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
